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Vekerdy ​​answers: if the bysitter is the price in the house


What can a mother do if the babysitter graciously takes control of the child, expropriates the little, and this destroys the family harmony? Tamás Vekerdy ​​answers.

Vekerdy ​​answers: if the bysitter is the price in the house"My baby, Magdi, has been bipartisan for a couple of weeks. Correct, balanced, lively - in my opinion, at this age, he has normal beliefs. He was one year old when we decided to seek help because he could not start a job."
"And for me to have some free time (because no grandmothers or relatives are close by). One of our family's unrelated relatives (a 63-year-old, pretty, youthful lady) complained about being single, having nothing, and getting what my boyfriend has already offered to help us. Arrul was initially there to help me in the household. And if I have to leave, take care of Magdi. Come on 9, stay until 2 pm. Magdi is completely different if this lady is with her. They are harshly opposed to me, it doesn't even hurt me. So we can't even be threesome because I'm irritated by this situation. At this point, I leave as if I were an employee. Now my husband sees that the babysitter has taken the child out of his hand, and has given birth to him, saying, "Only I can comfort him!" - he gave the baby out completely. I feel that it is bad for a child to come to me. Health sees it as a race, but I don't want to compete for my daughter's love. Because my brother talked to him, it didn't come very well, I didn't work on summer, the situation normalized. Now that he's back on a regular basis, it's all back in the country. Maybe it's not that we are verbally damaging our relationship. But I still feel that my child fills the love gap. Thus: so Hungarian; always has it: do it Magdi, come here, make it, make it, etc. I have spoken to him many times, I want my baby to be rude, but he can't get out of his skin.Sometimes I feel Magdi loves it, gives him security, but it's not sure. She really cares a lot about the kid and loves each other very much. I don't know how much trouble Magdin would have if I let her go. In addition, we are expecting my father now, although he is quite culturally, and his father has traveled a great deal so far, so the change is almost imperceptible, but still.
I know I'm not a perfect mom, but I tell Magd a lot, scratching, drawing, playing, fooling around (never "developing" it), but as soon as "mama" comes to an end. As if I wasn't there. What to do? Your father gave me a chick, I don't want to. Elkьldeni? Isn't it going to be a big hit? Or are we going to pull it out for a year, to the door? It is very difficult for someone, even if not consciously and explicitly, but tune my child against me, he wants to take my place, he wants to convince the world how much better he is. Or am I just upping things? "

Vekerdy ​​Tamбs: It's not good if the roles are reversed

If a situation causes a bad feeling in the mother - even if it is unreasonable - neither is it good for the child. But here you are. It's the "only Jin" prophecy that's what worried me. And the situation is completely reversed: the helper is with the child and you are doing your housework?
She's sure she should take the part out of our house, and this "turn around" is not normal, not healthy in this situation. Of course, it may be the mother who cares about the child a little bit more. But this exclusive reverse casting is not good! Somehow, it should be clarified again and again - as has once happened in the summer talk - how you feel guilty about how you view the situation, the mother of the child is the mother of the child. And why this is bad for the mother and why the helpless lady needs it. If they decide to stay for a year - which would be a rational decision - would they need to go to a mediator or family therapist at least once? you think you're only twenty-thirty, and the lady is sixty-three, who's the "boss" (but at least, the applied) and who's the employee. (When he arrives in the morning, do you not give him a task to do about the house?)
You also need to know that in the future, you'll need help, like the present, or someone else. But if you are hopeless to change your self-described situation, if your maternal status - and your light and natural relationship with Magdi - is in jeopardy, then you have to need to get rid of. I put the quote in quotation marks and then put in the quotation marks because I'm not sure this very strong relationship is really good for Magdi in the long run.Of course, you also need to know that a certain degree of determination really needs to be given to children in some cases, and they really reassure them. . And does not mean that he should make a decision on alternatives in the event of an incident. (Does mother give birth to a grandmother in the sense of a lady or "mother"?)
Yes, obviously one here There is an exacerbation of emotional deficiencythat is where the gift comes from and it is unlucky; at a certain intensity, this child - although he is enthusiastically involved - is a emotional burden. (And, of course, being on the doorstep can tell you all this.) Source of the article: Tamás, Vekerdy: Book 2 of the Respondent Psychologist Answers.Related articles in parenting:
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